An actual raw photo of me these past few weeks. I don't think I've been more at war with myself these weeks then I have in my life. Which is sad, I'm my own worst enemy, and this far from a plea for sympathy or for you to feel bad or sorry for me, this this to say, life is not perfect, my life is not perfect. And as much as I love to post photos and preach life's happy and great. I'm only lying to myself, I don't even know who I am when I look in the mirror, or when I see myself with my friends it's like I'm standing behind myself hopeless watching this world spiral out of control. I'm this pathetic, paranoid driven child and I've pushed myself to be so alone. I can't do this alone. And what sucks is I'm pushing away people who care about me, because the ones who didn't care about me got to me, they took all the joy I had and I let them, how pathetic of me is That. I let them turn me against myself, the world isn't my enemy, no one is out to get me but myself and I fight myself daily I tear myself down. I don't even know I am, I lost her, I let her go and I'm so scared I will never get her back. I treat myself and all my friends so poorly. I'm sorry.